Thursday, 14 May 2009

Three and a half days

In only three and a half days I will have two suitcases and a carry-on packed with as much of my life as they can hold. I will be moving half way around the world and leaving everything I've known behind. Wow. A little scary.

Although it's not my first move from home, it is the biggest. When I left for university although I was moving to a different country, I was still closer than my classmates who went to the east coast or even southern California. Even so, it was a scary change that I struggled with. I spent the first three months convinced I had made the wrong decision and planned on moving back to Oregon. If I had, my entire life would be different and I would not be preparing for what I currently am.

In less than two months I will be a married woman, living in a foreign country and knowing no one other than my soon to be husband and his small family. Gulp.

I am sure and confident about our wedding, my only doubts are about my impending move. How will I handle it? Will I go crazy? Will I drive my fiance crazy? How will I make friends? Because on top of having the normal post-university crazies (what am I going to do with myself now?) I have to worry about all the other stuff...I feel like Britney-level meltdown is not outside the realm of possibility :/

I haven't really thought too much about it yet. I've been so busy finishing up school, wedding planning and preparing for the fiancee visa that it hasn't really sunk in - until now. I got my visa in the mail today and everything became real. I started staring at all my things and thinking about what would make the cut for the big move and I didn't know how to feel. It's similar to the feeling I had leaving for university. I could (and can now) tell that my parents wanted me to be happy, but that it's incredibly hard for them to watch me go. This makes me sad because I don't know what to do for them. I know it's inevitable that parents will feel sad at these milestones: leaving for university, getting married, etc. because they're letting go of their children, but I wish I could make them feel better.

So I'm sad because I'm leaving my parents (even though technically I've lived away from home for years now) and scared because I don't know what's ahead of me. What I do know is that I have the most incredibly loving, sweet, kind fiance who will take care of me and support me. This makes me feel a lot better, but doesn't take away my anxiety over how I'll meet new people, settle into my new life and what I'll do with my career. I guess I'll have to figure out how to deal with those things as I go...

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